Being able to write comprehensible, succinct essays with logically sound structures is an integral aspect of academic work. The key to achieving this lies not only in the process of writing the essay but also during its revision. The final exam provided in the instructions was written on the topic of the United States government’s decision to discontinue funding for the World Health Organization (WHO). While the writer managed to communicate his essential thoughts, the sample suffers from multiple weaknesses that I will discuss and attempt to improve in this essay.
The sample’s strengths include interesting insights and an intelligible chain of reasoning. It is clear that China’s government was not wholly upfront about the epidemic, and some citizens are concerned that the WHO is helping them hide the truth about how the coronavirus truly started and spread across the world. Because of these suspicions, the U.S. decided to stop funding the WHO. However, this decision stirred up controversy because that means defunding employees who are researching the disease, keeping track of statistics, and making government updates. The writer successfully explained the background and controversy of the U.S. decision to halt its support for the WHO.We'll create an entirely exclusive & plagiarism-free paper for $13.00 $11.05/page 569 certified experts on site View More
However, the sample also has numerous weaknesses including the incorrect structure and overall tone. There is no clear delineation between the different parts of the essay, which makes the sample seem more like a social media post than a final exam. There should be an introduction providing the background, at least three body paragraphs each listing a specific concern, and a conclusion. Furthermore, the writer uses phrases such as “true for sure”, “with all this situation”, and “how come”, which are in an informal tone that is inappropriate for academic work. In general, this sample could not even be considered an essay because the structure and tone do not subscribe to academic standards.
Secondly, the sample suffers from multiple grammatical and punctuation mistakes. The writer inserts questions without correctly reformatting them into the affirmative form, and puts either two punctuation marks after one another or none at all when one period should be used. Additionally, the writer capitalizes words that should remain in lowercase, such as “Entire Globe”, “city”, and “government”. Thirdly, different forms of the present and past tense are used interchangeably and even together. All of these mistakes can be seen in the sentence “the second question is: Does the WHO has hidden the truth to protect China’s Government?.”
The correct format would be “the second question is whether the WHO is hiding the truth to protect China’s government”. Additionally, the writer uses run-on sentences that should be broken down into several smaller ones. Grammatical mistakes such as incorrect affirmative form and punctuation, random capitalization, and run-on sentences make the sample’s ideas difficult to follow and comprehend.
In conclusion, in the context of a final exam, the sample has failed to achieve its purpose because it lacks the correct academic structure and tone to even be considered an essay. Although it has a clear chain of reasoning, it suffers from numerous grammatical errors, incorrect punctuation, and usage of past tense that render it practically unreadable. To transform this into an excellent essay, the writer should follow the classic introduction-body-conclusion structure, alter the overall tone, break down run-on sentences, and learn about the rules of past tense and affirmative form.Receive an exclusive paper on any topic without plagiarism in only 3 hours View More